Deciding whether you should stay or go, can be one of the hardest decisions you will ever make.
A few months ago I came across some research that speaks to the dilemma of deciding whether to stay or go. Researchers at the University of Utah, in collaboration with researchers from the University of Toronto, had found the top 50 reasons why couples stay together or split up. They narrowed it down to a list of 27 reasons when people would stay in a relationship and 23 reasons why they would leave. Samantha Joel, the lead author of the study and her colleages were surprised at how many mixed feelings couples had about their relationships.
At Christmas I wrote a blog about my worst Christmas ever and well, now that it's Valentine's Day, I can’t help but think about all the broken-hearted men and women out there trying to get through this day. And so, here I go again...
Understandably, many people find it helpful to hear about how I survived the year that followed my broken engagement in 2011. I totally get it. You want to know that you're not alone. As someone who has been through more heart break than I'd care to admit, I have some good news. Not only can you survive this heart break, but you rest assured, that if you take care of yourself, and work through this experience, you can emerge happier person and find a more fulfilling relationship than the one you're currently missing. In the meantime, if you just need to get through this Valentines Day, I hope hearing a bit more about my story and the resources listed in this blog will help.
We talked to a breakup coach about exit plans, dealing with breakups on social media, and whether it’s better to be the dumper or the dumpee.
Breaking up with someone, if you have any semblance of a soul, is not a pleasant experience. How do you do it? Do you really need to meet in a public place and look them in the eye when you break their heart? How honest do you need to be for them to get the idea that you never, ever want to sleep with them again? It's questions like these that making ghosting so tempting. But you don't need to go through this experience alone, you can take your problems to a professional.
Dating after a divorce can be both intimidating, and an exciting new opportunity. Depending on how long you were in a committed partnership, it may be years since you were last single. You are now older, have a lot more responsibilities than you did in your early 20s, and may have children. That said, there are a lot of positive things about “mature” dating. There are numerous reasons for divorce, but one of the most common is that partners have grown apart, with either one or both partners expressing changes in their values and/or direction in life. And so, as hard as it is to have a relationship end (even when it’s for good reasons) having the opportunity to date to find a new partner who may be a much better match can be a wonderful thing. Add to this, that most older women would say they know themselves better, have developed better relationship skills, and are more established in their careers.
As a Dating Coach, I have a lot of conversations with single men and women about what they are looking for in a potential match. Everyone wants to meet and be with someone they are attracted to. Yet, attraction is subjective; what one person finds attractive another may not. That is except for two qualities I hear over and over again - and no, it has nothing to do with height, age, or cup size! Both men and women rank “fit” and “passion” high on their lists of characteristics they find most attractive in the opposite sex. What I find most intriguing is that many of these same people aren’t necessarily fit or living passionately themselves, though they wish they were.
If you’re heart broken this holiday season, I hope hearing about my worst Christmas (and New Year’s) can offer up some comfort, support and lightness at a time you’re probably not feeling very jolly.
Everyone has blue Christmases. That's life. I remember Christmas 2003 being hard, and so was 2006 come to think of it, but the one that most definitely stands out as the absolute worst was the holiday season of 2010. My engagement to a man I had loved deeply had just ended, and I was in the throws of grief. I was grieving the loss of my relationship, my home, and all of the plans and dreams we had. I was also grieving the fact that I was months away from turning 30 and I felt completely overwhelmed by the idea of having to start my life over. I'd been through a big breakup before, so I knew I had a steep road ahead, but I first had to survive getting through the holidays.
If you’ve never heard of a “Love Coach” just think of the movie Hitch. In the movie, Will Smith helped Kevin James' character get out of his own way to find love. That will give you a snap shot of what love coaching is, even though it's so much more.
What’s your relationship with dating? It’s been my experience that most people view dating as a chore, and it’s not uncommon for me to hear “I hate dating.” Of course dating certainly can be a challenge, even daunting. But really, do you hate the process of finding someone to love? When you stop and think, it makes little sense to bring this attitude to the process of finding and developing this, the most important relationship in your life. Dating with this negative mindset can lead to dating self-sabotage. If you’re single and want an amazing, uplifting partnership, why not begin by examining your dating attitude? Not only will you improve your chances of actually finding the love that you seek, but you’ll also enjoy the process along the way.