Naturally, I’m often asked "how did you end up doing this?” Although I've had many relationships, it was two major breakups that brought me to the work I do today. 

You can find a shortened version of my story below here.

2000 - Losing my dignity

"Parting is all we need to know of hell” - Emily Dickinson

I met my first real love when I was 19 (let's call him Boyfriend #1). We had a powerful connection, and we believed we were soulmates. For the first year, things between us couldn’t have been more perfect. 

Then I came across a photograph that told me he had cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. At 20 years old, I was devastated and I didn’t know how to make sense of the situation.

Put simply, it brought out the worst in me. 

We stayed together, but this betrayal unraveled me and brought out an intense jealousy I had never known. I became obsessed and consumed by what had happened. I was hurt, angry and even felt vengeful. I wanted him to hurt the way he had hurt me, and this led to me meeting and  falling in love with another man. And although I knew it was wrong, the part of me that was hurt felt unapologetic.

Yet, despite all of this, Boyfriend #1 and  I always found our way back to one another because our connection was so powerful. 

In 2004, we moved to Taiwan, hoping the fresh start would help us move past all the mistakes we’d made with one another. Yet, on our second day in our hotel in Taipei, I accidently came across a letter from a female friend of his. The letter alluded to them having had an affair in the months prior. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I felt broken. 

We spent the next three years in a toxic on-and-off-again relationship. Without the necessary support and distance, it was impossible for us to stay broken up long enough to let go and move on.

Looking back now, the worst part of this seven-year relationship was that I felt like I lost my dignity. 

Today, I can better understand why I stayed with Boyfriend #1 for years longer than I should have. I believed he was my soulmate, my one true love, and I was terrified that if I walked away, I might never meet anyone else I "loved" as much and would end up regretting it for the rest of my life. It’s a familiar story, isn’t it?

2010 - The better breakup

“Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant” - Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

Years later in the summer of 2008, on a break from Boyfriend #1, I met the man that would quickly become my fiancé (let's call him Boyfriend #2). 

If I had had a list (and most of us do), he was everything I ever thought I wanted. 

He was intelligent, handsome, and accomplished. We had an instant connection, and I thought he was “the one” I’d been waiting for. Being in my late 20s, things moved quickly and within six months, we were engaged and started building our life together.

It didn’t take long for our “passionate” relationship to become fiery as our personalities and core values began to conflict. Our relationship began to feel oppressive as jealousy and possessiveness took over.

Without realizing it, I had completely lost myself in the relationship and I was unrecognizable to myself. Yet I also felt trapped, unable to even entertain the thought of leaving.

Until one day in November of 2010 when we had a terrible disagreement. He made a comment that I recognized to be completely unacceptable. And in that moment, I felt a wave of clarity and strength come over me, and I knew. That very same night I packed up a suitcase and left. It all happened so fast.

I’ll always remember the evening I left, the experience felt completely out of body. I had nothing figured out, but I just knew I had to leave and trust in the little voice I heard telling me “it’s going to be ok. You can do this.”   

2011 - Healing my heart

"It is better to live your own life imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection" - The Bhagavad Gita

Having already been through a major breakup with Boyfriend #1, I was terrified of going through another experience like that – the heartache, the obsession, the starting over, and then the dread of having to date again.

And that was why I committed to myself that this time I would do things very differently. Above all, I vowed to myself that I would maintain my dignity no matter what.

Interestingly, from my previous experience, I intuitively understood the "breakup process" and was aware of the things I had to do and NOT do to move on as quickly as possible. 

The experience of recovering from a broken heart the first time around and falling in love again had helped.

And so, after giving myself permission to simply survive the first few weeks of such a dramatic change, I immediately got to work and did everything in my power to heal and grow from this experience.  I was months away from turning 30, and I didn’t have time to wallow in this heartache.

Looking back now, 2011 was one of the most challenging years I've ever experienced, but also one of the most transformative. I have tremendous gratitude and tenderness for that year of growth. I have never felt so close to myself.

2013 - From teaching children to teaching love 

Although I worked as an elementary teacher for 8 years, transitioning out of education into coaching was a natural extension of my experiences.

Once I was able to help myself grow through my romantic challenges, I naturally started helping my friends who were having relationship issues, and then they started connecting me with their friends, and so forth. 

Lovistics organically grew from there, and I founded the company in 2013.

So, how am I doing now?

In the summer of 2017, after hearing my story, Scott Simon from NPR asked me in such a heartfelt way, "so how are you doing now?"

I was somewhat surprised by the question, but it made me smile. I can understand that given the uniqueness of my work, people are naturally curious about how I came to this work and how I am doing after so many romantic hardships.

Love has been my greatest teacher, and the lessons I have learned have been humbling. I’m grateful to have grown through my experiences to have become a better person and partner. 

My relationship patterns forced me to look at myself as the common denominator, and guided me to discover theories about human attachment that have changed my life. 

It is now my mission to share information with the world as I help people through their breakups, getting back together with their ex, and their dating lives.

And yes, I did manage to find real, healthy love with an incredible man who adores me, supports me like no other, and is my best friend.