Breakup Music Therapy
These playlists are for anyone who has ever loved and lost, and loved again.
The Many Sides of a Broken Heart
Ever since I was young, I’ve obsessed over arranging the perfect music mixes. I mixed tapes, CDs, and now Spotify playlists.
For years I’ve been collecting my favorite songs and, in particular, my favorite breakup and love songs. And I’m finally sharing them!
These playlists have been thoughtfully curated to explore particular themes and phases of a broken heart.
PHASE 1: SHATTERED (deeply sad love songs)
The songs in the Shattered album explore difficult feelings of deep sadness, remorse, fear, hopelessness, and bargaining.
This collection is designed for you to wallow and be with your complicated feelings of romantic heartbreak.
Interestingly, this is the most extensive collection and one that I had to work hard to pair down. I think the vast number of songs about heartbreak indicate how prevalent and creative the experience of a broken heart can be.
These songs can help you feel less alone, help you put words to your grief, or even help you to allow the tears to flow.
PHASE 2: SCORNED (fiery heartbreak songs)
This collection explores the fiery emotions that come with romantic grief.
It’s natural and healthy to feel anger after a heartbreak. Fiery feelings of anger, resentment, contempt, and rage are a part of the recovery process.
Feeling it all is a part of the healing.
Only then can the acceptance phase begin…
PHASE 3: RISE (songs of letting go & moving on)
Rise explores the feelings of acceptance, resilience, empowerment, and joy that come at the end of a heartbreak.
These are songs of freedom.
This collection speaks to the many gifts of heartbreak—empowerment, resilience, and finding new, sometimes better, love.
Only when a breakup is fully integrated can we gain true acceptance and fully let go to move on in a healthy way.
How These Playlists Were Designed
These playlists have been designed to go deeper into the four phases of heartbreak and provide hope for healing.
Given how complex and intense the emotions of a breakup can be, I felt it was essential to separate songs into one of three categories - the deep sadness, the rage, and the acceptance.
Interestingly, there were so many sad breakup songs. I found almost twice as many as the angry ones. This shows how driven we are to express ourselves in times of heartache.
Why Other Playlists Don’t Work as Well
What makes this collection different from all the other breakup playlists out there is that they are grouped explicitly into the three themes of heartbreak.
Although many playlists have some good songs, the biggest flaw I’ve noticed is how all over the place they are. You can go from a really sad song (think “Nothing Compares 2 U”) to an angry, fiery song (think “Cry Me a River”), to an empowering song, and then back again.
Hearing a particular song at the wrong time can set you back instead of helping you move forward.
This kind of emotional rollercoaster can make you feel worse and complicate or even delay your healing.
Music as Therapy
Much has been written on the healing powers of music. Here are some of the ways music can help us accelerate the healing of a broken heart:
Feel it all and go deep - After a breakup, especially in the early stages, it is essential to allow yourself to feel the various feelings associated with grief to process the experience fully. Yet, sometimes it can be hard to let ourselves feel big, difficult feelings such as deep sadness or even rage. Some people report feeling numb to these emotions, and others say they’re scared of letting go. We can actually use music to help us tap into these emotions and go deeper in a safe way.
You are not alone. It is natural to feel like our heartbreak is the biggest heartbreak ever. However, as we listen to all the stories shared in these songs, we begin to understand that what we are going through is a shared experience, and we are not alone. Just about everyone has experienced a broken heart.
Access hope. I often hear people say that they simply want to know that things will be okay after a big breakup. Listening to songs of resilience and empowerment can give us the hope we need to believe we can overcome this painful experience and even be better for it.
BONUS PLAYLISTS
LOVE IS (songs about healthy, fulfilling love)
I’ve even added a bonus playlist called “Love is …” that is all about healthy, fulfilling love. I often recommend my clients listen to this playlist when they are ready and feel the need to be reminded of what real, healthy love is.
Most often, my clients are coming out of relationships that were not healthy or fulfilling. The contrast of this playlist to their own experience reminds them that there is something out better out there for them.
THE WINTER BLUES (sad Christmas songs)
This holiday season, if you feel broken-hearted, then this playlist is designed just for you. It's a mix of traditional breakup holiday songs, some obscure indie tracks, and mellow renditions of holiday classics to match your mood.
I hope that these tracks will also help you feel less alone throughout the holiday season.
*** For more support, I suggest you read my blog on my Surviving Worst Christmas Ever
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
I sincerely hope that my collections have paved the way for you to express yourself. Music has always been helpful in the healing process and can unearth certain emotions that you may not know are repressed.
Here are a couple more resources for you:
How to Deal With Heartbreak
When you break your arm, you know what to do, but what do you do when you break your heart? If you want to know more about how to cope with your breakup, hopefully, this article can help you gain some insight and lead you to the right path.
How to Deal With 5 Very Common Post-Breakup Anxieties
Breakups can be messy. In this article, I talk about how you can prepare for awkward situations and minimize the anxiety that comes with what lies ahead after a breakup. This includes running into your ex, their friends, and some social media tips, most of which I also advise to my clients.
Natalia Juarez | CPP, BAH, BEd
Natalia Juarez is a relationship coach specializing in grief-informed breakup recovery and dating strategy. After going through a broken engagement in 2010, she became obsessed with reimagining heartbreak as an opportunity for transformation. Today, she helps men and women through the entire spectrum of breakups or divorce—helping them recover, initiate a separation, win an ex back, and find new love.
She's been featured in publications worldwide, including Good Morning America, The Wall Street Journal, GQ, The Guardian, Vice Media, NPR, among major Canadian media.
