How to Deal with Valentine’s Day Heartbreak, According to a Breakup Coach
Heartbroken this Valentine’s Day? Name a cockroach after your ex and 7 other tips to celebrate International Heartbreak Recovery Day on February 18th
If you’re feeling heartbroken because you’re grieving a breakup, navigating singleness, or dealing with relationship issues, this Valentine’s Day, and the holiday feels particularly heavy, you're not alone. I've been there, and so have most people. It’s also why I started he first International Heartbreak Recovery Day on February 18th.
As silly as it might seem to some people, there is such a thing as “Valentine’s Day stress.” Although I hadn’t heard of this until a few years ago, I wasn’t surprised to hear it existed.
Research shows that most people find this hallmark holiday stressful—heightening anxiety, depression, and insomnia. It’s no surprise, as this holiday often comes with unrealistic expectations that can impair our emotional well-being. Having this awareness can help you approach your feelings with more compassion and less judgment.
COACHING TIP: Remember that being alone on Valentine’s Day (even in the midst of heartbreak) is far better than being in an unhealthy relationship or the wrong person. So if you’re struggling this year, this article is for you. I’ve compiled some ideas to help you either get through the day or enjoy it on your own terms.
My Top 8 Suggestions for Surviving Valentine’s Day Heartbreak
Here are my top suggestions for navigating this challenging day, followed by additional suggestions from my community. Have a read and craft the perfect Valentine’s Day plan for yourself, whether you celebrate on the first “Heartbreak Recovery Day” on February 18th, Galentine’s, or Valentine’s Day.
The most important thing is to choose to do something that genuinely feels good to you and supports your recovery. Forcing yourself to do something, such as going out when you want to stay in, may only make you feel worse, so keep your own self-preservation your top priority.
Romance Yourself
I’m often surprised by how many single people don't regularly have "date nights" with themselves. It's as if they're waiting to be in a relationship to enjoy activities meant for couples—like trying out a great restaurant, experimenting with a new recipe, seeing a specific movie, or opening that special bottle of wine.
The truth is, you don’t have to wait for a relationship to give yourself the love, care, and pleasure you deserve.
Not only do these acts of self-love feel wonderful on their own, but they can also boost your sense of self-worth. By treating yourself well, you're subconsciously sending the message that you are deserving of love, care, and pleasure.
If pampering yourself feels unnatural, it’s a great practice to cultivate. Plus, it will benefit your dating life in the future. People who take good care of themselves tend to be more attractive and successful in relationships. It’s truly a win-win.
So go ahead—romance yourself! Cook that fancy dinner, light the candles, play your favorite music, and don’t forget dessert!
Celebrate Friends' Valentine's Day (a.k.a. Galentine's Day)
In Latin America, Valentine’s Day is celebrated as “The Love and Friendship Day,” making it a perfect occasion to honor the many forms of love in our lives. Spend the day with friends—whether it's a night out for drinks or a cozy night in with takeout and board games.
You can also look for events (including singles events) in your city. While you may not be looking for romance, it can be enjoyable to connect with new people and be reminded that you're not alone.
Name a Cockroach After Your Ex
This is the cheekiest Valentine’s Day idea I’ve ever heard for dealing with a sad Valentine’s Day—and yes, this is for real.
The San Antonio Zoo was the original zoo to hold a worldwide annual "Cry me a cockroach" fundraiser. For $10, you can name a cockroach (or a veggie for $5) after your ex, and on February 14th, the cockroaches are fed to birds and reptiles. This unique event offers a bit of humor during a tough time, while supporting a good cause.
This short video explains the event.
A couple of years ago, I had the pleasure of buying a cockroach for a girlfriend of mine who was in a painful stage of her breakup recovery. We had a good laugh about it, she felt ever so slightly better, and it was all for a good cause, a total win-win situation!
Pamper Yourself & Soothe Your Nervous System
The physical and emotional impact of heartbreak is often minimized because we’re not able to see the pain, but if you’re living with heartbreak, you know the toll it takes on you—emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
A relaxing massage, a long bath, a home spa day, or a similar sensory experience can help sooth your heart, mind, and body. This is a great way to give your sympathetic nervous system some relief and find peace amid the emotional chaos.
COACHING TIP: You can also unplug and take a break from social media or activities that might trigger difficult emotions.
Design Your “Dating Plan”
If you sense that a good part of your sadness stems from a deep desire to be in a loving relationship, I encourage you to embrace that longing—even if it feels uncomfortable. Rather than feeling down about your current situation, try reframing these emotions as the motivation to take action and work toward finding the love you want.
As a relationship coach, I often compare the search for a relationship to the search for your dream job. You wouldn’t expect your dream job to just appear out of nowhere, right? Yet, many people adopt this passive mindset when it comes to finding what is arguably the second most important relationship in your life (after the one with yourself).
Instead, you’d actively work to clarify exactly what you’re looking for and then put in the effort—updating your resume, networking, and honing your skills.
In my practice, I help many clients create a “dating plan” (similar to a business plan) that focuses on clarifying their core values, relationship goals, and a concrete strategy. This includes both online and offline dating strategies.
Creating a sustainable dating plan is key if you’re serious about finding a fulfilling relationship and enjoying the process along the way.
You can start by reading a good book on dating or relationships or journaling about what truly matters to you in your romantic life.
Watch a Movie (or Two)
Movies can be a wonderful escape, helping us forget our own story for a while. Whether you choose a heartwarming romantic movie or something anti-romantic to match your mood, a good film can transport you and be great company.
For some inspiration, check out Rotten Tomatoes’ 100 Romantic Movies of all time, or this great New York Times article on short films to break (and mend) your heart.
Practice Simple Acts of Kindness
Spread the love and brighten someone’s day with a thoughtful gesture. Studies show that acts of kindness not only boost our mood but also help us to gain a healthier perspectiv and can be a powerful way to heal. Even a small gesture for a friend, neighbor, or colleague can remind you that love exists in many forms.
Here are some ideas:
Write gratitude notes to people who’ve supported you during difficult times, expressing your appreciation.
Give a friend who is dealing with heartbreak a care package. Send them a book, an uplifting note, or a treat, such as a delivery of pints of ice cream!
Share your meal with a neighbor who lives on their own.
Give back to your community by supporting a cause you care about.
Skip Valentine’s Day Altogether
My last suggestion for dealing with heartbreak on Valentine’s Day is to skip the whole spectacle altogether. It’s okay to not engage if it doesn’t feel right. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Each heartbreak is unique, and one year, you may want to celebrate yourself or connect with others, while another year, you may prefer to treat the day just like any other.
Trust yourself to know what’s best for you.
WHAT OTHER SINGLES ARE SAYING...
Here are some creative suggestions from people in my community who were heartbroken or single on Valentine’s Day:
I’d have a killer workout, followed by a hot shower, and then cozy up with a glass of red wine and a good chick flick.
Bubble bath, meditation, and favorite underwear day.
My best Valentine’s Day ever was when my friends and I went bowling, drank cheap beer, and pigged out on greasy pub food!
Get together with friends, celebrate "anti-Valentine's" day by watching slasher or action movies.
Go on a date with yourself...spend the day at an art museum, do a painting class, or go to the movies.
Candlelight meditation. Sit alone and enjoy the company of yourself. The practice of self-love is very powerful.
I am using it to honor all of the healing work I've done because I'm ecstatic to be where I am. I'm so much more present now, and I know what I want, as opposed to being caught up in codependency and, hence, reactive, mismatched love.
Host a 'singles only' dinner, followed by an evening of dancing!
Whatever you choose to do, remember that healing is a personal journey. May these ideas help ease your heartache and bring you some peace during this challenging time.
xo,
Natalia
P.S. If you have any other suggestions, please comment below or DM us @lovistics, and we’ll add them to this running list!
This February 18th, let’s heal together.
Whether you’re currently experiencing heartbreak or want to support someone who is, International Heartbreak Recovery Day is for everyone.
With this in mind, I’m grateful for the opportunity to announce our first-ever BetterBreakups Mini-Course.
This concise, actionable course was inspired by my last decade spent helping clients heal their hearts, navigate their love lives, and overcome their romantic challenges.
The mini-course is based on my proven BetterBreakups Method™ – the very same approach I’ve used to guide hundreds of post-breakup clients from feeling desperate and devastated to becoming hopeful, accepting, and fully empowered to move forward in their lives.
To ensure accessibility, there will be a “pay-what-you-can” option for those who need it, along with special introductory pricing for a limited time.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Each Valentine's Day season, I can’t help but think about all the broken-hearted women and men out there who may be struggling to get through this day. If you’re struggling to get through this Valentine's Day, I hope hearing a bit more about my blue Valentine’s Day will help you feel less alone.
BLOG: Music Therapy
If you love music as much as I do, check out my curated playlists on Spotify. I highly recommend “Scorned” if you’re feeling fiery, or “Love is…”, if you want to tune into the kind of love you want to invite into your life.
WEBSITE: Museum of Broken Relationships
If you’ve never heard of this museum, check out their website or their Instagram. It has great stories to help you feel less alone.
If you’re interested in learning more about working together, click the button below.
Read more about my breakup, recoupling, or dating strategy services
Natalia Juarez | Relationship Coach & Dating Strategist
Natalia Juarez is a breakup coach and dating strategist. After going through a broken engagement in 2010, she became obsessed with reimagining heartbreak as an opportunity for transformation. Today, she helps men and women through the entire spectrum of breakups or divorce—helping them recover, initiate a separation, win an ex back, and find new love.
She's been featured in publications worldwide, including Good Morning America, The Wall Street Journal, GQ, The Guardian, Vice Media, NPR, among major Canadian media.
