How to Deal with Valentine’s Day Heartbreak, According to a Breakup Coach
Heartbroken this Valentine’s Day? Name a cockroach after your ex and 7 other ways to honor International Heartbreak Recovery Day.
If you’re feeling heartbroken this Valentine’s Day, you are definitely not alone.
When you’re a few weeks or even months into a breakup, grief can remain active. You may be functioning—showing up to work and taking care of yourself —but the ache persists. And a day culturally centered around romance can highlight that pain, pressing directly on that wound.
I’ve been there, like many others. That’s why I created International Heartbreak Recovery Day on February 18, a day to affirm that heartbreak is real and worthy of acknowledgement and intentional care.
Also, there is such a thing as Valentine’s Day stress, which is an emotional response to a holiday highlighting what feels missing or unresolved in your romantic life. Research shows increased anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and poor sleep around this holiday.
If you are grieving, this can feel more intense because contrast triggers grief. When others celebrate, your loss can feel more present and pronounced.
But remember, being alone on Valentine’s Day, even in the midst of heartbreak, is far healthier than being in the wrong relationship. Loneliness is painful, but staying where you do not belong is more painful.
This day does not define your worth, your desirability, or the trajectory of your love life.
You can decide how you want to move through this day.
My Top 8 Suggestions for Dealing with Valentine’s Day Heartbreak
Heartbreak recovery needs both gentleness and agency. Even a simple plan steadies you and guards against being ambushed by the day. The most important thing is to choose how you spend your day with intention.
Romance Yourself
Many single people wait for a partner before allowing themselves pleasure. Nice restaurants, good wine, a movie, or a candlelit dinner at home often become 'relationship privileges.'
They’re not. You do not need a partner to experience romance.
Romancing yourself isn’t cliché. It’s self-respect. Treating yourself with care affirms you’re worthy of love, even when alone. Cook the dinner. Light the candles. Wear something that makes you feel attractive. Play music that soothes you. You are allowed to create beauty and romance in your life.
Celebrate Friendship
In many Latin American countries, Valentine’s Day is 'The Love and Friendship Day,' which recognizes that love goes beyond romance. Romantic love is one form of love. It is not the only form.
Spend the day with friends. Go out for drinks, host a relaxing night in, or plan something low-pressure. If being around couples is difficult, choose environments that feel emotionally safe.
You do not have to isolate yourself because you are hurting. Connection eases grief.
Name a Cockroach After Your Ex
Yes, this is real.
The San Antonio Zoo runs an annual “Cry Me a Cockroach” fundraiser where you can name a cockroach after your ex, and on February 14th, it gets fed to one of the animals.
Sure, it’s a little ridiculous, but it’s also surprisingly satisfying.
A few years ago, I bought one for a girlfriend who was in a painful stage of her breakup recovery. We had a good laugh, and it brought a sense of lightness. It was harmless and supported a good cause.
Soothe Your Nervous System
Heartbreak is not just emotional, it’s physiological.
When your nervous system loses attachment, it activates stress. Commonly resulting in higher cortisol, poor sleep, mood swings.
When people say it is just a breakup, they’re misunderstanding the biology of grief.
Give your body relief. A massage, a long bath, a sauna, gentle movement, breathwork, or a tech break can help. Even turning off social media for the day can reduce emotional overstimulation.
Design a Dating Plan
If your sadness includes longing for partnership, that longing is not weakness. It is information about your heart’s desire.
Instead of asking why you’re single, consider asking what your plan is.
I often compare finding a healthy relationship to pursuing a meaningful career. You would not wait passively for your dream job to appear. You would clarify what you want, refine your approach, and take purposeful steps.
The same goes for love. You can journal about your values, read a good book on relationships, reflect on patterns from your last relationship, and clarify what is non-negotiable moving forward.
Watch a Movie
Sometimes you just need a distraction. Choose something that matches your emotional state. It could be a romantic classic, a breakup movie, or an action film unrelated to love.
Allow yourself to be absorbed in another story for a few hours.
Grief doesn’t always need processing. Sometimes, it needs rest.
Practice Tiny Acts of Kindness
Research regularly shows that acts of kindness improve mood and perspective. When you’re heartbroken, your world shrinks. Kindness expands it.
Write a gratitude note, drop off something thoughtful to a friend, or send someone a message telling them why you appreciate them.
Helping others will not erase your pain, but it does remind you that love remains.
Skip the Day Entirely
You are allowed to opt out. You don’t owe participation to a commercial holiday.
If engaging with the holiday feels destabilizing, treat it like any other day. Go to the gym, cook dinner, do laundry, or watch television. Keep it neutral, and let it be any other day.
What Other Singles Are Saying
Here are some ideas from people in my community:
A killer workout, a hot shower, red wine, and a comfort movie.
Bubble bath, meditation, and favorite underwear day.
Bowling, cheap beer, and greasy pub food.
Anti-Valentine’s slasher or action movie night.
A solo museum date or painting class.
Candlelight meditation to honor self-love.
Hosting a singles-only dinner followed by dancing.
Using the day to celebrate how much healing work has already been done.
Notice the pattern. None of these involves pretending to be fine.
This February 18th, Let’s Heal Together
International Heartbreak Recovery Day exists because heartbreak deserves acknowledgment.
If you are experiencing romantic grief, you deserve support. If you love someone who is grieving, you deserve tools.
This is why I created the BetterBreakups Mini-Course, based on my BetterBreakups Method. It is a concise, practical approach to moving from devastation toward steadiness and clarity. If you want to join the waitlist for the BetterBreakups Mini-Course, simply sign up. If not, commit to caring for yourself more intentionally this week. Do something for your own healing today.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Each Valentine's Day season, I can’t help but think about all the broken-hearted women and men out there who may be struggling to get through this day. If you’re struggling to get through this Valentine's Day, I hope hearing a bit more about my blue Valentine’s Day will help you feel less alone.
BLOG: Music Therapy
If you love music as much as I do, check out my curated playlists on Spotify. I highly recommend “Scorned” if you’re feeling fiery, or “Love is…”, if you want to tune into the kind of love you want to invite into your life.
WEBSITE: Museum of Broken Relationships
If you’ve never heard of this museum, check out their website or their Instagram. It has great stories to help you feel less alone.
Heal your heart, let go of your ex, and transform your life for the better with the BetterBreakups™ Method Coaching
Natalia Juarez | Relationship Coach & Dating Strategist
Natalia Juarez is a breakup coach and dating strategist. After going through a broken engagement in 2010, she became obsessed with reimagining heartbreak as an opportunity for transformation. Today, she helps men and women through the entire spectrum of breakups or divorce—helping them recover, initiate a separation, win an ex back, and find new love.
She's been featured in publications worldwide, including Good Morning America, The Wall Street Journal, GQ, The Guardian, Vice Media, NPR, among major Canadian media.
